Four words might possibly change the tenor of your whole day…perhaps, in time, the climate of a whole culture. Those words: “You may be right…”
As the consummate first-born, bossy big-mouth, I can- with authority - speak to the foolishness and pride of wanting the last word, thinking I know the correct way to go, pressing forward with all dispatch to “fix” other people and their opinions.
This character defect has brought me no peace, and a great deal of trouble over these many years. Through many encounters involving dimwitted, know-it-alls (me being the aforementioned head dimwit) , I have in time come to learn the value of the 4-word phrase that circumvents a great deal of blow-hard stupidity and fosters the Jesus-like character for which I yearn and strive. But oh, how hard it can be to choke out those deferential syllables…
“There’s a right way to load the dishwasher…” “You may be right.”
“Climate change is destroying America’s forests.” “You may be right.”
“Masks are the best way to stop the transmission of Covid 19.” “You may be right.”
“Cats are 10 times better than dogs.” “You may be right.”
It’s a simple matter of giving some ground where there is some leeway of ground to give. For the sake of courtesy, for the sake of tolerance, for the sake of not having to have our own way, we can use the magic phrase. This quad of words can stop a pot from boiling over and ruining the stovetop. It can stop a train that could easily go runaway. It’s the bullet proof vest for the drive by killing of human discourse. By employing “You may be right” at the apex of your desire to spell out your opinion of the error of another person’s opinion, you not only leave the door open for the beauty of acceptance. You yourself change. The effort of the dialogue melts into wonder that it really doesn’t matter that you are understood or that you come out on top. What matters is that you are making a real effort to allow for the thoughts of another person to be heard. As St. Francis of Assisi penned many years ago:
Lord make Me an instrument of Your peace
Where there is hatred let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness joy.
O Divine master grant that I may
Not so much seek to be consoled as to console
To be understood, as to understand.
To be loved. as to love
For it's in giving that we receive
And it's in pardoning that we are pardoned
And it's in dying that we are born...
To eternal life.
Of course, there are some things, (but probably far fewer than we think), where we simply cannot tender this helpful phrase. Some ills fall clear into the realm of evil or calamitous ignorance, and as Christians those are clearly defined by scripture. On those points, where human souls are at stake, and ultimate human meaning and happiness are on the line, there can be no compromise.
“Sin won’t kill me, I don’t need salvation…it’s just the human condition.”
“Pornography is a victimless vice.”
“Jesus is one road among many to God.”
There are razor’s edges on this narrow path that cut clean through with no room for compromise. But they are few. And the non-negotiables will ring with more truth if we don’t insist of having our way in the places where there edges allow for filing down.
Give it a try. Just say the words: “You may be right.” No one needs this admonition more than me. Down to my bossy bones.
Your friend on the pilgrim road,
Loriann Smith
